
I hold myself
Where it hurts me more;
I prefer the pain of now
To the pain before...
I hold myself
Where it hurts me more;
I prefer the pain of now
To the pain before...
I have seen the diaspora,
Seen it’s bulbous head set against Saturn’s sky,
Felt it’s pulse,
Dreaming of chalk and charcoal,
Seen it’s veins, deeper nerves,
Coursing through promises
Like an undulating snake.
Men revise,
Their adolescent mournings, teenage dreams made of,
Pink flesh laid to rest,
Against the grain of this world.
A world long forgotten by the habit of forgetting,
The shell of mirror,
Slow as sinking stone,
For lives lived, living,
With unpolluted prose,
Precise, pragmatic.
I have seen the diaspora,
The laughter of death,
That parallel passage,
Guided by fate.
The fault never lied with dark,
To light must fall the blame,
For showing that of all,
None are truly the same.
Half the pleasure,
Lies in having nothing,
And losing it all.
Here in shaped stillness,
I ache for a shattering.
Until I am no more.
Now I am no more.
They told me not to say
The fault; It was all mine
They told me not to say
I am okay, its all fine
They told me not to say
The world is wrong from where I stand
They told me not to say
You will never understand
They told me not to say
Gods don’t walk this heathen earth
They told me not to say
It’s your choice to give a birth
They told me not to say
False truths my eyes can see
They told me not to say
I am thus and this is me
They told me not to say
We are slaves of silver linings
They told me not to say
Fallen stars don’t go out shinning
They told me not to say
There is no shepherd for this herd
They told me not to say
The sky don’t feel free for some old bird
They told me not to say
Love is a mirage of a migraine mind
They told me not to say
They light the lights to leave me blind
They told me not to say
Life can end between two thoughts
They told me not to say
Fate ends with a draw of lots
When the world you built,
Now loves you less,
Its time to awake,
Another place.
Will my silence be enough
To let you know I am no more
Will you shake your head and smile
And be as you were before
Will it be my laughter that you remember
Decades later on a summer noon
Will you ask why I never came back
Or lament why I returned so soon
Will my face be what you seek
When thinking of things past
Will you forget the first day we met
Was the day that we met last
Will these hands that once were mine
Remain forever alone in memory
Will you extend yours just to share
Their shadow so I could be We
Will my words ever be able to describe
This ache that now I feel
Will you break my heart each time
You want your own to heal…
Camouflaged in the night
Like outline of shredded trees
I walked beyond the cliff with caterpillar footsteps
Where Four Horses of Wind
Stood grazing in the grove
While the maiden with reins
Having fallen in love
With my absence, now looking up
Laughed; the sound like hooves running in her throat,
So I sat there in the center of the dying daffodils,
On the eve; as rootless and trodden as any
And listened to what the world has to say
But sadly there were far too many;
People talking about themselves, like children running circles around pillars asking: Why do silent halls echo? And closed eyes cannot see?
As if I am a mirror to be mastered by their practiced soliloquy:
No more, no more, my hollow mind; no more,
For I weep for the thistle town burning by the shore
Black windows watching the white horizon
Coming closer for an embrace
When the sun is cold in the night
While the sea shapes the souls of sand
The maiden sits beside me
And whisper
That the stars are dust from her hand
O I see now, I see
Myself on a mountain lying
Alone upon the apogee
To fall asleep with the sky
As a pillow beneath my neck
And the ocean extending her arms
For me to quietly take
Before I go, before I am gone
With the maiden of the night
Before I know that the colours of rainbow
Are seven sins of white…
Let me fall now, no
Let me fade away instead
I am tired of being ever alone
Of being always afraid
I was a fool to grapple with the dark, you know,
A fool to light my heart on fire
A fool to eat the wounded ashes
To taste the honey of that sweet desire
I was blind with my eyes open
Blind to the water rising around my waist
Blind to see that I with my words
Was no different than the rest
So here I am now, here,
A face amongst other faces:
All fools condemned henceforth
To die; by hanging on her tresses
I should have known it, I should have
For it was no secret after all
That there was magic in her voice
And that it was a siren’s call
It was this damned dream, you see,
To be together in the end
So surreal that I forgot
It was all make-believe, a pretend
I am going now, I am gone
There are other lovers in the line
They ask me if she is a goddess
And I answer: Yes, if the Devil’s Divine…
Come here
Little birds
On my old broken branch
For its your weight that shall hold me
More than my roots
I listen to the clatter
Rolling coins
Gasping through cracks
Of fractured philosophy
In this modern world writ with
Make believe merchandise
Life lived through litmus paper
Chemical imbalance
Anarchy in equation
Feather dust in vacuum weighing same as the sun
Candles upon cake, wax trees,
Forest of flames, ages incinerate:
Gullible times, marzipan issues souring into
Phrases describing sunlight through trees unlike sunlight through trees
Anything but the obvious, the immutable
Sieved eyes and beetle brain
Taking over photosynthesis
Bottled chimera, disco dreams
Autumn in lungs
Coughing art; blood on canvas, dotted design
Cerise constellation simplified by
Binary prophets
Dripping tap, blocked sink, dim streetlight, ivy on the roof, dust on the doormat, average grades, loose socks, society on chemo, Syrian seizures, Africa and Ebola, avalanche on Everest,
Anthill, beehive, New York, Mumbai
Sunrise at six, Sunset at seven
Coconuts, candles and carpets for heaven
Rubber tires on tarmac
Plastic skin
LED hearts
Tears on screen
Protein pronouns, varicose verbs
Multinational menagerie of Lego world
Digitally distilled with castrated cause
Packeted products: for all flaws
Barcoded breaths
Beginners beware
This land of the dead is alive on prayer.
I know you don’t have to listen
To all that I have to say
And to be true I am just talking
To myself everyday
It’s sad, I know:
To see myself smile
And even the reflection
To return it
Only once in a while…